| Welcome to Frangles They say frupdates are the frangles in which we burn / temporally, fremporally, when's it my turn? / to update the frupdates, and say 'sup? to Mangles: The cat on the mat, at Prime Xangles. -poep
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| frupdates (frangles/UP) | 2009 2010 2011 >2012< |
5/19 >> New brick. (We'll start explaining these things, we swear.)
5/1>> pRixel logo below improved a bit. (These logos will be explained more.)
4/30>> Alas, our April Fools joke to not post anything at all useful for the entire month of April (i.e. to conceal the fact there was nothing worth posting) (i.e. to take the entire month off) has failed.^ [^Excepting the fact that the below images are our greatest bulsh to date, given the logos themselves are about the only damn things we actually worked on this month; and you thought they symbolized something at least infinitesimally more than that. April Fools!]
4/27>> Alright alright alright alright... you want something real? Eh? Meh? Wehenh? 'K, here are some random 1080P WALLPAPERS WHOHOO to hold you off:
4/27>> The Xangles News page has been updated with a meaningless blurb directing you right back here, assuring that this page is at least frequently updated. While that may technically be true (due to the updates of the past week all posted today and backdated to Sunday, in fusion with the meaningless posts of the first half of the month and the missing week after that prior to the bulsh backdated updates still no more helpful to informing you what's been going on since the first time in this paragraph they were mentioned), it's pretty much just plain bulsh^.
[^ once in awhile we're required by federal law to inform you that bulsh is a phonetic condensation of the word "bullshit" usable for humorous purposes because it technically isn't a swear, and is even kinda fun.]
4/26>> to make this month's updates columnesque..!
4/25>> Ridiculous grammar has been inserted below..
4/24>> --going on, and other stuff etc etc etc......
4/23>> ...You'll find out next month what's been--
4/22>> Posting real news would ruin this month's formatting.
4/14>> Everything is was and will be progessing.....
4/13>> No Friday the 13th joke or prank, really!!!!!!
4/12>> No day before "Friday the 13th" joke!!!!!!!!!!!!
4/11>> No April 11th joke this year! No joke!!!!!!!!!!!
4/10>> (( 7 days of lame consecutive humor jokes spared ))
4/2>> No April 2nd Fools joke this year!!! No joke!!!
4/1>> No April Fools joke this year!!!!!!! No joke!!!!!!!!
3/26>> We mot have made a resolution today to keep Frangles more frontburneresque than we otherwise would sans the resolution. Details generally tentatively procrastinated indefinitely.
3/22>> New project for parodying the latest TV shows successfully procrastinated via the dizzying onslaught of easy ways to make fun of the pilot of the new Fox drama Touch by paralleling Kiefer Sutherland's role as an empathetic and caring father of a mute biposchizoauttenic with his former Fox role as an unstoppable terrorist-fighting badass. It was just too easy after Jack saved Mike Novick in the pawn shop from a fatal gun wound. Really, Fox, give us a challenge.
3/16>> Frangles.Mobi has been updated! In particular, the beta bricks page (a ton of bricks worth reading, also on SkipFron) is much better formatted, and includes two new draft bricks with tentative tacit approval from the unlikely soul and artistic discipline they satire. You'll have to find them yourself, though, as punishment for not knowing the list of bricks by heart so well you can identify new entires immediately. (If it helps at all, they're the first two active/linked bricks on the list.)
3/7>> Dear spider bots, we haven't done much this week, but please accept this memo as a sign we keep this page up-to-date. You might see it a lot in the future, so don't sweat the redundancy penalties.
2/25>> XFSA is completely launched and live. Well, except for there only being a handful of images, a tad short of the ominously skeptical promise of hundreds to thousands. And for...wait, no, there isn't a long list of deficiencies to carry on the joke of declaring its launched and live and then contradicting it with an endless stream of prose. It really, really has only that tiny deficiency. Just that ooone tiny flaw (nothing to actually buy). BUT...we're working on it. And not in the sense that we're saying we're working on it but aren't at all. More in the sense that we've become so tired of making jokes about that we're so lazy we can't even afford the effort to walk in the next room and upload a flash drive of the BILLIONS of images we have, that we've finally broken down and decided to do it. Really. Don't believe us? Check back in 2 weeks and see once and for all if we're as full of bulsh as we always say we are.
2/16>> New brick. (Don't tell Ryan Doyle.)
2/14>> So apparently we should have told you that the "<<NEW BRICK!!" didn't make a hell of a lot of sense without reading the "also revised" bricks presented less emphatically after the fact. This is still good news, because now you can eliviate your confusion of why it didn't make any sense when you read it. Or something like that. ANYWAY, if you weren't already, you can keep up to date with what's working (not much) of Xangles.FractalStockArt.com. It should be alllll totally working and everything pretty darn soon (promise) (and by "promise" we strongly include the presence of the word "should", which of course to us (in such context) has a COMPLETELY different meaning than it normally would (or it should) (see?) (ORBOOORbBoobo....)
2/7>> sF.7.227 <<NEW BRICK!! (Yes, we do our jobs now and then.)
Also revised: sF.7.111 | sF.7.112 | sF.7.113.
Please ignore the nerdy^1 brick number, it will be explained at the end of time. Suffice to say, "sF" is short for "skipFron", and "7-227" is a tentative brick number in the current skipFron structure. The "sF.7" will be replaced by an unknown two-digit Frangles number, i.e. sF.7.227 will be Frangles brick <??-727>, meaning we don't know what the first two digits will be, but the last three will be 727. See structure page for more on this, but keep in mind the structure of Frangles and all the interconnected Xangles projects is probably more convoluted right now than it will ever be. Great reason to... check back, check back, check back ("CBCBCB").
[^1 - insert artist/geek humor/blurb/rant here that no one would bother reading]
2/3>> Just a link for SEO purposes, nothing to see here.
1/31>> Check out the very first Xangles bussiness card:
1/30>> After a viciously ineffable and globally controversial debate, FractalStockArt.Xangles.com will now be Xangles.FractalStockArt.com, purely as a favor to our more dyslexic freers. In SEO terms, this means more business, as "fractal stock art" is a widely known term, and "Xangles" is not. Why not choose the latter to begin with? Ah! This is because we didn't own Xangles.FractalStockArt.com. Now we do, and doing is half the battle (G. I. Joe!). Erm? Today's update not sponsored by anyone who gave a damn about it.
1/26>> Introducing...drum roll...annoyance drum roll wasn't bracketed or made italic or something to signify it was a *noise* rather than being spoken or read or whatever...Chip's lecture the previous elipses have created nonwhitespace string lengths blah blah blah...
(an under construction page for): FRACTAL STOCK ART .XANGLES .COM
1/25 7:17PM EST>> You may not see another update for 24-72 hours given GoDaddy's suggested migration of our hosting account to a secret special faster system that you get to know about if you finally call up and ask why the !@#$ things have been so slow for the entire duration of the development of your latest project. This is a great piece of bulsh news, not because it's false, but because it's just about totally pointless given we only post an update every few days anyway.
1/25>> New brick. You heard us write, errr, right, right? Go read.
1/23>> Ditto.
1/19>> Our mission to pretend we're making money by spending money as if we were producing revenue continues. Here and here are clikable links that in addition to procrastinating me telling you what they are, they, you know what, I don't know what the hell I'm saying anymore. I just thought it would make me sound cool. FYI, that's a line from a Will Ferrel parody of the Matrix Revolutions. Squish told me to use it if I ever got half way through a sentance and lost my train of thought. He literally made me copy half the skit to my desktop with a lengthy explanation of how to incorporate it into an update blurb. However, apparently I'm just too tired to fully you know what? I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I just thought it would make me where the F*** is Jet with my coffee my brain can't think for shits. Oh, did you want to know what the links were? They're pretty self-explanatory inside the information that we've contracted a billion-dollar media coorporation to revolutionize the mockups into a thriving RRL e-commercse website. PayPal, lightboxes, user base, checkout, the whole works. (Or maybe it's just me and Jep working together to achieve a sloppy crude vague idea for another project that will never be.^1) Your frangle is as good as ours.
[^1 Jep and Chip have never been mentioned in the same sentence in the entire history of the Xangles, Frangles, Blorkk network. In fact, Jep has rarely been mentioned at all. This brings up basic questions about the intermingling of fiction and reality, as we've left it a bit fuzzy to what extent friters/xiters with cute aliases (Squish, Chip, Jet, Jep, Pixel, Plato, Poe, etc.) exist in real life. Are these just nicknames of real people? Or do we switch it around a bit and get inside each other's skins? Or is it just one fat elderly guy updating blogs from his blackberry? The total truth is elusive and always depends on your frangle, but, please note that we do sign one thing in cold stone (and essentially always have; this is nowhere near the first time we've said this), something we'd legally sign to on paper if ever the need for such solidity arose: What we present in terms of online personas generally reflects what's going on in real real life (RRL). For instance, if a foreign intelligence agency abducted someone heavily involved with Frangles and told them to get to work writing simply because there wasn't much going on and they were dead-ass bored (given the lack of evil international conspiracies nowadays with the global monitoring of all digital communication being extremely well-handled if I do say so myself), they would never update a RRL news item (such as most of the Frangles updates blurbs, e.g. this one) with the announcement, "So, we all took a week off from work to go cow-tipping in Ohio, USA, but our flight got redirected to Antartica, and now we're all freezing our asses off because we didn't bring the 30 layers of clothing that would at the utter least allow us a bit of armour against the rabid mutant penguins here that evolved from the stray radioactive radiation left behind by the obliteration of a nuclear power plant nobody knew was up here", unless we were directly forced to lie via the backing that the fraud was absolutely necessary for the preservation of the human race (and perhaps not even then), or it was actually true.^2]
[^2 Technically, of course, actually announcing this verbatim would be putting forth a joke given the way it's written, made humorous here only to entertain. To be very, strictly serious and clear (something rare for us), we would not report anything of the sort, worded humorously or otherwise, in a way that implies we're reporting what's factually going on (given that we're not technically in Antartica). It is fathomable, of course, that we'd engage in real real life unorthodox events simply for their comedic value (for instance, we might actually decide to get on a plane and take a vacation to Ohio to go cow tipping just for the inspiration of doing something so ridiculously wild), but, once again, we wouldn't add in the Antartica and nuclear penguin part without seriously implying it was a joke. We might embelish in such situations, for instance, we might say that 3 friters went to Ohio, when only 2 went and sent a postcard to the third saying "Wish you were here", but would be the rough extent of an embelishment/etc. If you're wondering why we go to such lengths solidifying and explaining ad nauseum these precisions, there are a few reasons in general, which you'd know thoroughly if you'd been reading these ridiculously lengthly footnotes since the dawn of our existence:
A) RRL legal dangers (fraud accusations, identity theft, etc.) are not outside of the ballpark of reality for us or something/someone related to us to face someday. A complete and thorough fabrication of a person that doesn't exist at all (something we do not do) isn't too far a stone's throw from seeking a stolen U.S. social security number and a fake driver's license. It just isn't worth it, even if we were comfortable with outright lies.
B) Something else extremely relevant that I can't come up with given the !@#$ vaccuming going on in the above apart, which, incidentally, is an RRL apartment right above where I'm typing, me being whoever I'm you know what, I don't know what I'm saying, I just thought it would make me sound cool. (I'm only being evasive and convoluted because I don't technically want to get into whether this is Chip or Squish as it would stand out as a biblical clarification among all these truth talk, one we're not quiiiite ready to dish out. (You may, however, let all mentions of Squish and Chip in Frangles collectively stand as explanation of who and how they are.
C) It's fun masochistic humor to write all these footnotes that no one anywhere will ever read for any reason. Your blue-moon glance down here to evaluate the intrinsic grammar of half a sentence to see if we're just typing total jibberish or are actually saying coherent things, makes a quite compelling argument that we're competent, coherent, organized, down to earth people obsessed with detail so thoroughly that we must be doing exaxctly what we're saying when we report that we have eighty unwritten novels we for some strange reason haven't gotten around to uploading yet. (Not quite eighty, more like 1 or 2, and that's the solid, RRL truth!) (No joke.) (Not even a disgusting sub-sub set of footers so ridiculously extensive as to make you not want to ever come back, their sheer length sensable whether or not you've ever even read a single full footnote of ours.)]
1/14>> Solely per Jet's generous donantion of smuggling his parents' credit card information out to us, we've started hiring and paying off contractors who've done and/or we hope will do things we really should have done or be doing our damn selves, including Jet. To be very clear, this doesn't mean Frangles has made any money. It means we're so sick of not making money, that we just made up some money to fabricate the idea that we're so profitable we can start heading toward use of the word "revenue". REVENUE. Big word. More on all this later, e.g. whenever Jet's parents figure the situation out, and/or somebody we've hired fails to see the humor in this paragraph and accuses us of fraud based purely on the satirical tone and content. (We're not committing fraud, FYI, nor are we irresponsible with money, perhaps accepting the slight latitute we grant ourselves when reporting factual matters that are generally mostly true under almost any interpretation or frangle, barring Squish's absurd semi-RRL phylical frangle that nothing at all is absolutely true whatsoever, in any sense, i.e. that every proposition capable of being uttered or written by any member of humanity is always, intrinsically, half-true, and absolutely nothing else. If you can't tell, I'm mocking it.)
1/7>> Dear Ryan Doyle,
Please stop being so rad. Squish (sorry, "Chet", ugh) hasn't done a damn thing around here since he started obsessing about parkour and freerunning. I'm sure you're deserving enough of a Wikipedia article without sucking away the skills of the only fractal nonlinear journalist in known existence. Stimulants used to help him focus; now they just get him kicked out of any bookstore that sells Red Bull. Don't worry, there's nothing you can actually do about it, for he has an infinite queue of distractions that take precedence to actual writing, I just wanted the peace of mind that always accompanies trying. (That, and the SEO benefits of linking to a bunch of random junk.)
Yours, Chip.
1/2>> Welcome to day 2 of I'm- So- Not- Going- To- Start- Doing- Some- Sort- of- Sequence- Joke- that would take a full year to oh whatever.
1/1>> Welcome to the wild wonderful year - assuming you haven't stumbled onto my fraud of posting this several months before the new year, or it feels like that - of my single new years resolution to take the 30 seconds of work to archive this page to a "2011" file and begin a new up index. And by "me", I mean "Chip", because it's not my bloody job. My personal resolution is to mind Chip's absurdly ideal friter rules for not referring to oneself in the first person when updating this page. Or rather, the page it will become when Chip achieve's my new year's resolution for him. Did that make sense? Bleh, go read something, there's too much here and you haven't read a damn thing yet. That's your New Years resolution. Read Frangles so thoroughly that we'll have no excuse not to actually further the damn thing. Or at least one less one (would that be zero?).
 screenshot of fRex.info | 5/5>> Today
we witness the dawn of the domain of the unregistered trademark
that's been increasingly unifying all Frangles- related projects in
ineffable synergy. We're also witnessing an update sans
sarcasm, simply to maximize the infinitesimal protection this legal disclaimer provides. That's how f@#$ing kickass fRex is.* [* The greatest tongue- twister ever.] |
5/1>> pRixel logo below improved a bit. (These logos will be explained more.)
4/30>> Alas, our April Fools joke to not post anything at all useful for the entire month of April (i.e. to conceal the fact there was nothing worth posting) (i.e. to take the entire month off) has failed.^ [^Excepting the fact that the below images are our greatest bulsh to date, given the logos themselves are about the only damn things we actually worked on this month; and you thought they symbolized something at least infinitesimally more than that. April Fools!]
4/27>> Alright alright alright alright... you want something real? Eh? Meh? Wehenh? 'K, here are some random 1080P WALLPAPERS WHOHOO to hold you off:
 |  |
 |  |
 |  |
4/27>> The Xangles News page has been updated with a meaningless blurb directing you right back here, assuring that this page is at least frequently updated. While that may technically be true (due to the updates of the past week all posted today and backdated to Sunday, in fusion with the meaningless posts of the first half of the month and the missing week after that prior to the bulsh backdated updates still no more helpful to informing you what's been going on since the first time in this paragraph they were mentioned), it's pretty much just plain bulsh^.
[^ once in awhile we're required by federal law to inform you that bulsh is a phonetic condensation of the word "bullshit" usable for humorous purposes because it technically isn't a swear, and is even kinda fun.]
4/26>> to make this month's updates columnesque..!
4/25>> Ridiculous grammar has been inserted below..
4/24>> --going on, and other stuff etc etc etc......
4/23>> ...You'll find out next month what's been--
4/22>> Posting real news would ruin this month's formatting.
4/14>> Everything is was and will be progessing.....
4/13>> No Friday the 13th joke or prank, really!!!!!!
4/12>> No day before "Friday the 13th" joke!!!!!!!!!!!!
4/11>> No April 11th joke this year! No joke!!!!!!!!!!!
4/10>> (( 7 days of lame consecutive humor jokes spared ))
4/2>> No April 2nd Fools joke this year!!! No joke!!!
4/1>> No April Fools joke this year!!!!!!! No joke!!!!!!!!
3/26>> We mot have made a resolution today to keep Frangles more frontburneresque than we otherwise would sans the resolution. Details generally tentatively procrastinated indefinitely.
3/22>> New project for parodying the latest TV shows successfully procrastinated via the dizzying onslaught of easy ways to make fun of the pilot of the new Fox drama Touch by paralleling Kiefer Sutherland's role as an empathetic and caring father of a mute biposchizoauttenic with his former Fox role as an unstoppable terrorist-fighting badass. It was just too easy after Jack saved Mike Novick in the pawn shop from a fatal gun wound. Really, Fox, give us a challenge.
3/16>> Frangles.Mobi has been updated! In particular, the beta bricks page (a ton of bricks worth reading, also on SkipFron) is much better formatted, and includes two new draft bricks with tentative tacit approval from the unlikely soul and artistic discipline they satire. You'll have to find them yourself, though, as punishment for not knowing the list of bricks by heart so well you can identify new entires immediately. (If it helps at all, they're the first two active/linked bricks on the list.)
3/7>> Dear spider bots, we haven't done much this week, but please accept this memo as a sign we keep this page up-to-date. You might see it a lot in the future, so don't sweat the redundancy penalties.
2/25>> XFSA is completely launched and live. Well, except for there only being a handful of images, a tad short of the ominously skeptical promise of hundreds to thousands. And for...wait, no, there isn't a long list of deficiencies to carry on the joke of declaring its launched and live and then contradicting it with an endless stream of prose. It really, really has only that tiny deficiency. Just that ooone tiny flaw (nothing to actually buy). BUT...we're working on it. And not in the sense that we're saying we're working on it but aren't at all. More in the sense that we've become so tired of making jokes about that we're so lazy we can't even afford the effort to walk in the next room and upload a flash drive of the BILLIONS of images we have, that we've finally broken down and decided to do it. Really. Don't believe us? Check back in 2 weeks and see once and for all if we're as full of bulsh as we always say we are.
2/16>> New brick. (Don't tell Ryan Doyle.)
2/14>> So apparently we should have told you that the "<<NEW BRICK!!" didn't make a hell of a lot of sense without reading the "also revised" bricks presented less emphatically after the fact. This is still good news, because now you can eliviate your confusion of why it didn't make any sense when you read it. Or something like that. ANYWAY, if you weren't already, you can keep up to date with what's working (not much) of Xangles.FractalStockArt.com. It should be alllll totally working and everything pretty darn soon (promise) (and by "promise" we strongly include the presence of the word "should", which of course to us (in such context) has a COMPLETELY different meaning than it normally would (or it should) (see?) (ORBOOORbBoobo....)
2/7>> sF.7.227 <<NEW BRICK!! (Yes, we do our jobs now and then.)
Also revised: sF.7.111 | sF.7.112 | sF.7.113.
Please ignore the nerdy^1 brick number, it will be explained at the end of time. Suffice to say, "sF" is short for "skipFron", and "7-227" is a tentative brick number in the current skipFron structure. The "sF.7" will be replaced by an unknown two-digit Frangles number, i.e. sF.7.227 will be Frangles brick <??-727>, meaning we don't know what the first two digits will be, but the last three will be 727. See structure page for more on this, but keep in mind the structure of Frangles and all the interconnected Xangles projects is probably more convoluted right now than it will ever be. Great reason to... check back, check back, check back ("CBCBCB").
[^1 - insert artist/geek humor/blurb/rant here that no one would bother reading]
2/3>> Just a link for SEO purposes, nothing to see here.
1/31>> Check out the very first Xangles bussiness card:
1/30>> After a viciously ineffable and globally controversial debate, FractalStockArt.Xangles.com will now be Xangles.FractalStockArt.com, purely as a favor to our more dyslexic freers. In SEO terms, this means more business, as "fractal stock art" is a widely known term, and "Xangles" is not. Why not choose the latter to begin with? Ah! This is because we didn't own Xangles.FractalStockArt.com. Now we do, and doing is half the battle (G. I. Joe!). Erm? Today's update not sponsored by anyone who gave a damn about it.
1/26>> Introducing...drum roll...annoyance drum roll wasn't bracketed or made italic or something to signify it was a *noise* rather than being spoken or read or whatever...Chip's lecture the previous elipses have created nonwhitespace string lengths blah blah blah...
(an under construction page for): FRACTAL STOCK ART .XANGLES .COM
This
would of course be quite a thing if not for the hidden catch phrase in
parentheses preceding the above (clickable) URL, and the ominous,
inexorable, foreboding, 7th-septagon-of-hell intrinsic-to-Frangles
feeling that the entire Xangles Fractal Stock Art project consists exactly of
the under construction page the slew of nonclickable links you meet
when you go to the main index page, even despite the credibility of
productivity we gain with the NEW REVISED WALLPAPER PAGES AT XANGLES.COM/WALLPAPER
now with cute little "Xangles.com" tags on evvvery singgle stinking
!@#$ing one courtesy our new friend bot orb "Tagger" and our
lustful craving to destroy the nonprofit spirit of Xangles with
annoying marketing schemes. Tagger did all the work, yep.
More of all this coming soon! (or maybe not).^
[^ You might wonder from time to time about the totally different feel of Xangles and Frangles, and why we announce things here that seem like they belong on Xangles.com as news. The truth is, there are a lot of redundancies across the projects, and it just isn't possible to have separate everythings for each project. For instance, it would be very difficult to start 3 stock art sites (Xangles, Frangles, and Blorkk), and intermingle them, just as it would be difficult for you to check in with 3 different daily news sources, and so on and so forth. The handful of fractal images on Frangles & Blorkk are very special in that they're attempts to work fractals in thematically to the two sagas. You'll notice we only have 3 wallpapers currently. This is because not only does a new wallpaper have to have a "Frangles" feel, which is very hard to tie down, but it has to have some sort of blurb integrating it with the Frangles universe. The last time we tried to add one, it just stood out for awhile as non-Franglic. It took us awhile to figure out how it was non-Franglic, and how the hell to design "Franglic" wallpapers. We finally have a better idea, but at the moment Frangles wallpapers take no precedence to the new stock art site, as it's a fullesque commercialesque e-commerceesque professionalesque website. Truth is, there are so many zillions of little corners of Xangles, Frangles, & Blorkk, that we're much happier having one more thing to procrastinate with a good excuse (that it's difficult to work in fractals thematically to Frangles) that do a crappy and/or sell-out job of mangling up the fun feel of Frangles. Thanks for reading all this, God, you're bored (or lazy, having skipped right to the end; yes, we know, and we don't blame you).
1/26>> We are now fully migrated, resulting in incredibly faster php loading speeds. skipFron
especially (being the only php on frangles anyway) is loading
lightningly fast. Enjoy the new speedy loading times, their
tardiness courtesy GoDaddy's infamous lack of initiative in
automatically switching hosting accounts to better services of the
same price.[^ You might wonder from time to time about the totally different feel of Xangles and Frangles, and why we announce things here that seem like they belong on Xangles.com as news. The truth is, there are a lot of redundancies across the projects, and it just isn't possible to have separate everythings for each project. For instance, it would be very difficult to start 3 stock art sites (Xangles, Frangles, and Blorkk), and intermingle them, just as it would be difficult for you to check in with 3 different daily news sources, and so on and so forth. The handful of fractal images on Frangles & Blorkk are very special in that they're attempts to work fractals in thematically to the two sagas. You'll notice we only have 3 wallpapers currently. This is because not only does a new wallpaper have to have a "Frangles" feel, which is very hard to tie down, but it has to have some sort of blurb integrating it with the Frangles universe. The last time we tried to add one, it just stood out for awhile as non-Franglic. It took us awhile to figure out how it was non-Franglic, and how the hell to design "Franglic" wallpapers. We finally have a better idea, but at the moment Frangles wallpapers take no precedence to the new stock art site, as it's a fullesque commercialesque e-commerceesque professionalesque website. Truth is, there are so many zillions of little corners of Xangles, Frangles, & Blorkk, that we're much happier having one more thing to procrastinate with a good excuse (that it's difficult to work in fractals thematically to Frangles) that do a crappy and/or sell-out job of mangling up the fun feel of Frangles. Thanks for reading all this, God, you're bored (or lazy, having skipped right to the end; yes, we know, and we don't blame you).
1/25 7:17PM EST>> You may not see another update for 24-72 hours given GoDaddy's suggested migration of our hosting account to a secret special faster system that you get to know about if you finally call up and ask why the !@#$ things have been so slow for the entire duration of the development of your latest project. This is a great piece of bulsh news, not because it's false, but because it's just about totally pointless given we only post an update every few days anyway.
1/25>> New brick. You heard us write, errr, right, right? Go read.
1/23>> Ditto.
1/19>> Our mission to pretend we're making money by spending money as if we were producing revenue continues. Here and here are clikable links that in addition to procrastinating me telling you what they are, they, you know what, I don't know what the hell I'm saying anymore. I just thought it would make me sound cool. FYI, that's a line from a Will Ferrel parody of the Matrix Revolutions. Squish told me to use it if I ever got half way through a sentance and lost my train of thought. He literally made me copy half the skit to my desktop with a lengthy explanation of how to incorporate it into an update blurb. However, apparently I'm just too tired to fully you know what? I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I just thought it would make me where the F*** is Jet with my coffee my brain can't think for shits. Oh, did you want to know what the links were? They're pretty self-explanatory inside the information that we've contracted a billion-dollar media coorporation to revolutionize the mockups into a thriving RRL e-commercse website. PayPal, lightboxes, user base, checkout, the whole works. (Or maybe it's just me and Jep working together to achieve a sloppy crude vague idea for another project that will never be.^1) Your frangle is as good as ours.
[^1 Jep and Chip have never been mentioned in the same sentence in the entire history of the Xangles, Frangles, Blorkk network. In fact, Jep has rarely been mentioned at all. This brings up basic questions about the intermingling of fiction and reality, as we've left it a bit fuzzy to what extent friters/xiters with cute aliases (Squish, Chip, Jet, Jep, Pixel, Plato, Poe, etc.) exist in real life. Are these just nicknames of real people? Or do we switch it around a bit and get inside each other's skins? Or is it just one fat elderly guy updating blogs from his blackberry? The total truth is elusive and always depends on your frangle, but, please note that we do sign one thing in cold stone (and essentially always have; this is nowhere near the first time we've said this), something we'd legally sign to on paper if ever the need for such solidity arose: What we present in terms of online personas generally reflects what's going on in real real life (RRL). For instance, if a foreign intelligence agency abducted someone heavily involved with Frangles and told them to get to work writing simply because there wasn't much going on and they were dead-ass bored (given the lack of evil international conspiracies nowadays with the global monitoring of all digital communication being extremely well-handled if I do say so myself), they would never update a RRL news item (such as most of the Frangles updates blurbs, e.g. this one) with the announcement, "So, we all took a week off from work to go cow-tipping in Ohio, USA, but our flight got redirected to Antartica, and now we're all freezing our asses off because we didn't bring the 30 layers of clothing that would at the utter least allow us a bit of armour against the rabid mutant penguins here that evolved from the stray radioactive radiation left behind by the obliteration of a nuclear power plant nobody knew was up here", unless we were directly forced to lie via the backing that the fraud was absolutely necessary for the preservation of the human race (and perhaps not even then), or it was actually true.^2]
[^2 Technically, of course, actually announcing this verbatim would be putting forth a joke given the way it's written, made humorous here only to entertain. To be very, strictly serious and clear (something rare for us), we would not report anything of the sort, worded humorously or otherwise, in a way that implies we're reporting what's factually going on (given that we're not technically in Antartica). It is fathomable, of course, that we'd engage in real real life unorthodox events simply for their comedic value (for instance, we might actually decide to get on a plane and take a vacation to Ohio to go cow tipping just for the inspiration of doing something so ridiculously wild), but, once again, we wouldn't add in the Antartica and nuclear penguin part without seriously implying it was a joke. We might embelish in such situations, for instance, we might say that 3 friters went to Ohio, when only 2 went and sent a postcard to the third saying "Wish you were here", but would be the rough extent of an embelishment/etc. If you're wondering why we go to such lengths solidifying and explaining ad nauseum these precisions, there are a few reasons in general, which you'd know thoroughly if you'd been reading these ridiculously lengthly footnotes since the dawn of our existence:
A) RRL legal dangers (fraud accusations, identity theft, etc.) are not outside of the ballpark of reality for us or something/someone related to us to face someday. A complete and thorough fabrication of a person that doesn't exist at all (something we do not do) isn't too far a stone's throw from seeking a stolen U.S. social security number and a fake driver's license. It just isn't worth it, even if we were comfortable with outright lies.
B) Something else extremely relevant that I can't come up with given the !@#$ vaccuming going on in the above apart, which, incidentally, is an RRL apartment right above where I'm typing, me being whoever I'm you know what, I don't know what I'm saying, I just thought it would make me sound cool. (I'm only being evasive and convoluted because I don't technically want to get into whether this is Chip or Squish as it would stand out as a biblical clarification among all these truth talk, one we're not quiiiite ready to dish out. (You may, however, let all mentions of Squish and Chip in Frangles collectively stand as explanation of who and how they are.
C) It's fun masochistic humor to write all these footnotes that no one anywhere will ever read for any reason. Your blue-moon glance down here to evaluate the intrinsic grammar of half a sentence to see if we're just typing total jibberish or are actually saying coherent things, makes a quite compelling argument that we're competent, coherent, organized, down to earth people obsessed with detail so thoroughly that we must be doing exaxctly what we're saying when we report that we have eighty unwritten novels we for some strange reason haven't gotten around to uploading yet. (Not quite eighty, more like 1 or 2, and that's the solid, RRL truth!) (No joke.) (Not even a disgusting sub-sub set of footers so ridiculously extensive as to make you not want to ever come back, their sheer length sensable whether or not you've ever even read a single full footnote of ours.)]
1/14>> Solely per Jet's generous donantion of smuggling his parents' credit card information out to us, we've started hiring and paying off contractors who've done and/or we hope will do things we really should have done or be doing our damn selves, including Jet. To be very clear, this doesn't mean Frangles has made any money. It means we're so sick of not making money, that we just made up some money to fabricate the idea that we're so profitable we can start heading toward use of the word "revenue". REVENUE. Big word. More on all this later, e.g. whenever Jet's parents figure the situation out, and/or somebody we've hired fails to see the humor in this paragraph and accuses us of fraud based purely on the satirical tone and content. (We're not committing fraud, FYI, nor are we irresponsible with money, perhaps accepting the slight latitute we grant ourselves when reporting factual matters that are generally mostly true under almost any interpretation or frangle, barring Squish's absurd semi-RRL phylical frangle that nothing at all is absolutely true whatsoever, in any sense, i.e. that every proposition capable of being uttered or written by any member of humanity is always, intrinsically, half-true, and absolutely nothing else. If you can't tell, I'm mocking it.)
1/7>> Dear Ryan Doyle,
Please stop being so rad. Squish (sorry, "Chet", ugh) hasn't done a damn thing around here since he started obsessing about parkour and freerunning. I'm sure you're deserving enough of a Wikipedia article without sucking away the skills of the only fractal nonlinear journalist in known existence. Stimulants used to help him focus; now they just get him kicked out of any bookstore that sells Red Bull. Don't worry, there's nothing you can actually do about it, for he has an infinite queue of distractions that take precedence to actual writing, I just wanted the peace of mind that always accompanies trying. (That, and the SEO benefits of linking to a bunch of random junk.)
Yours, Chip.
1/2>> Welcome to day 2 of I'm- So- Not- Going- To- Start- Doing- Some- Sort- of- Sequence- Joke- that would take a full year to oh whatever.
1/1>> Welcome to the wild wonderful year - assuming you haven't stumbled onto my fraud of posting this several months before the new year, or it feels like that - of my single new years resolution to take the 30 seconds of work to archive this page to a "2011" file and begin a new up index. And by "me", I mean "Chip", because it's not my bloody job. My personal resolution is to mind Chip's absurdly ideal friter rules for not referring to oneself in the first person when updating this page. Or rather, the page it will become when Chip achieve's my new year's resolution for him. Did that make sense? Bleh, go read something, there's too much here and you haven't read a damn thing yet. That's your New Years resolution. Read Frangles so thoroughly that we'll have no excuse not to actually further the damn thing. Or at least one less one (would that be zero?).
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