|Xangles > Frangles > Frangles Not Spam Page 3|
Announcer: Welcome to Frangles Not Spam 3: 6 years in the making!!! No, not "Frangles Not Spam 3:6, years in the making!!", but rather "Frangles Not Spam 3", 6 years in the making!! If that confused you, you should hit back or purposely crash your computer or mobile device right now, as it's about to get a whole lot worse from here.
Announcer (the same one): ...Now starring all the same stars as before, with a few exceptions:
Monty Python!!: Ni!
Terry Prachett!!: [insert epitome Terry Prachett joke, as the friter friting this skit is STILL, even years later from the writing of the previous page, almost absolutely and entirely unaware of the existence of the entire Discworld franchise slash universe slash [insert the epitome type of thing that the Discworld franchise slash universe slash whatever, is, here], and doesn't want to guess at random] [Aside, do note that at least one friter of Frangles actually does own a Terry Prachett book, but this is very far from actually reading one, and even further (farther? I'm your farther, Luke? No, that's Star Wars; I should throw that in this skit. Maybe I should backspace and spell "farther" "father") from knowing the entire franchise slash universe slash whatever well enough of Discworld, to know the epitome joke to put right here]
Douglas Adams: This can't still be happening.
Adult Swim!!: [adult swim]
Douglas Adams!!: You already did me.
Announcer (still the same one)!!: Yes, but I forgot to add the double exclamation point.
You!!!!: I can't believe I've read this far down this piece of crap already. I would have like 800 questions right now regarding the content and grammar of this page if I wasn't already entirely sure that any answers to them would just breed more questions and confusion. FYI, I generally don't speak with the convoluted grammar of the previous sentence. Actually, I'm not really saying any of this. This is a horrible imposition. However, given I'm now flattered to be starring in a Frangles skit, I do feel compelled to continue reading. ...at least for a few more lines. (If it doesn't improve by then I'm out'a here. Aside, I never say "out'a". Or at least not spelt like that. Wait, "spelt"? How is "spelled" spelt?
Squish!!: I'm the real-real-life (RRL) friter friting this skit, but you'll never believe it because I've deeply imbedded myself fourthwalsely into the humor. You'll have to explore FRANGLES.COM and related sagas and websites to figure out how truthfull I'm being.
Chip!!: I'm a real and/or semi-real friter (you don't know which). I do a lot of the technical work around here. Actually this skip page is mostly about me. Keep reading and you'll find out why.
Keanu Reeves!!: I have nothing to do with any of this.
Nights of Ni!!: Ni!
Bill Gates!!: I have less to do with any of this than even Keanu Reeves. But at least the insertion of my name has helped up the searchability of this page a little. That's called SEO, kids.
RandomAnonymousSkitProseGuy404!!: oh my god i made the cut..hey why am i in bold? i hope this isn't going to get any more fourthwalse.
Announcer (still the same one)!!: FYI and aside, we are still within the opening credits, just in case you've gotten lost (or "got lost" if your country doesn't utilize the word "gotten").
Anti-Douglas Adams Fans!! [insert appropriate humor]
Anti-Monty Python fans!! [insert appropriate humor]
Bill Gates!! [not really. wait, we just did him, but at least we've now doubled the "Bill Gates" searchability of the page, that's called SEO, kids]
Adult Swim!!: Guys this stuff isn't even funny. You need to watch more TV.
Chip: This page isn't about funniness. It's about further damaging the search-engine ratings of FRANGLES.COM and related sagas for the sake of a meager laugh and more than a pound of depressed masochism, since in my long-term analysis, I'm pretty sure this entire set of skits has caused damage to our ratings in light of Google's evolving algorithms to detect real-real life SEO evil, which unfortunately the bizarre and unorthodox structuring and language of FRANGLES.COM and related sagas is all but exactly ismorphic to.
Squish: I don't think anyone parsed what you just said.
Chip: But you just said "parsed" just now to throw in a programming term not everybody knows, to sound smart. You just didn't do it as thoroughly as I did.
Bill Gates: I know the word "parse".
Keanu Reeves: I know the word "parse".
Adult Swim: We know the word "parse".
You: I know the word "parse" (at least I do now).
You (again): Stop speaking for me. I knew the word "parse" long before I ever was exposed to this horrible saga. It's a basic word; you're trying to sound smart to the few people who don't know the word "parse". Stop trying to dumb down your audience.
You (actually): I've never heard the word "parse". Stop trying to make me feel stupid.
Announcer (still the same one)!!: Guys, we're still in the credits! Stop talking!
Anti-Douglas Adams Fans!! [insert appropriate humor]
Douglas Adams: Alright, since it seems I've been the only plainly logical and objective person in this entire ordeal from the beginning, let's continue my character development by me continuing to demand an explanation for what all this randomness is all about.
Douglas Adams Fans!!: That is so absolutely not like anything Douglas Adams would ever say. It's plain, bland, and completely devoid of humor or randomness. In fact it's anti-random. This whole thing might have some infinitesimal reading-value to a Douglas Adams fan if you were at least trying to ingrain some minor bit of Douglas Adams humor or real-life biography into some of this, but instead you're going out of your way to actually insult him and his writing and us.
More-real-life Douglas Adams Fans!!: OK, this is all sorta funny, but the announcer guy is completely ripping off Eddie the computer, and you actually are being kind of insulting parodying us. This all actually is engaging in at least a minor level of spam-SEO, no matter how much you try to cover it up with this bottomless barrage of layered fourthwalse humor.
Even-more-real-life Douglas Adams Fans!!: Oh for crying out loud, if you're going to actually insert us into your skit, you can't have us using Frangles terms like "fourthwalse" in an effort to pawn them off as existent humor or humor worthy of existence!
Chip: But given what you just said, the audience is now completely aware that the FRANGLES.COM term "fourthwalse" has nothing to do with Douglas Adams.
Announcer (still the same one)!!: Hey guys! Would anyone mind if I started directly parodying the Eddie reference by bending my speech more to what he'd say, paving the way to direct line-for-line plagiarization of HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY so this skit's friter doesn't have to think creatively anymore?
Squish: Not at all!
Keanu Reeves: Not at all.
Douglas Adams Fans!!: Yes, we'd mind.
You: My mind hurts.
Chip: Does anyone here even vaguely care that this skit series is actually, literally, actually, in real-real-REAL life, damaging FRANGLES.COM search-engine ratings, given Google's evolving algorithms seem to be falsely identifying this skit series as real-life malicious SEO?
Passing Nerd: Why don't you just add no-index tags in the meta html and robots.txt?
Chip: Kinda defeats the purpose of the entire thing.
Passing Nerd: Why? Your site is enormous. You have 2 novels' worth of fiction and all this other stuff. If your traffic is suffering so bad, why not just cut this all out from the SE listings?
Announcer (still the same one)!!: Hey geeks! This is starting to get not-funny! Knock it off!
Chip: Firstly, the SEs can ignore the no-index tags and the robots.txt if they want--
Passing Nerd: But wouldn't it help to state the skits shouldn't be indexed? It's only in rare scenarios that they'll ignore the tags...
Announcer (still the same one)!!: Guys, we have to get back to the funny stuff!
Adult Swim: Yah, this stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with Adult Swim. Why are we even here?
Chip: Secondly, the hideous real-life tragedy of the suffering SEO magnifies all the humor. It's actually much funnier knowing that it's actually damaging the traffic to FRANGLES.COM.
Squish: Just like Dilbert's much funnier to people who work in Engineering departments.
Passing Nerd: That I can understand, but--
Announcer (still the same one)!!: Hey, guys, look, I just edited the meta-titles of the FNS pages by shifting the phrase "SEO humor" from the right side to the left. This should clue-in the SE bots that this is a humor-based website, and that any isomorphism to real-life evil SEO is completely haphazard.
Chip: That might work.
You!!: I'm learning too much geek stuff and I can't turn off my mind (which still hurts btw).
RandomAnonymousSkitProseGuy404!!: hey i get 2 lines in this one! yes!! but why am i still in bold when no one else is!?
Keanu Reeves: W...T...
Announcer (still the same one)!!: Everybody! Great news! I've calculated the precise probability that your average court of law would consider the increasing similarities of my dialogue to HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, in excess of international right-of-parody laws!
Terry Prachett: ...F?
Squish: Well, what is it?
Announcer (still the same one)!!: What's what?
Squish: The probability.
Announcer (still the same one)!!: I can't actually tell you, suffice to say that it's something that I can't tell you, because actually telling you that I can't tell you for an extremely long time, unfortunately falls inside the danger range of a court of law considering my dialogue in excess of right-of-parody laws. You'll have to read HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY for more of this manner of humor, and explore the humor of MONTY PYTHON because I just ripped off a bit their film MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.
Douglas Adams: I think I'm starting to get this. So, in real, actual life, this saga "Frangles"--
Chip: You have to say FRANGLES.COM to advertise the root domain name.
Douglas Adams: --is genuine humor writing, that happens to resemble my humor style, and also that of Terry Prachett, Monty Python, and Adult Swim, in the general way that any newer writing harbors elements of previous writing in the same niche(s) that help inspire it--
RandomAnonymousSkitProseGuy404!!: Does he mean "niche(s)" like he's pronouncing "niches" phonetically and is implying the duality of both the singular and the plural form, or is it a fourthwalse thing like he knows he's talking in text?
Skip: You know that's a really good question. Wait, am I in this thing?
Douglas Adams: --and this whole skit-prose-thing or whatever is just a way to poke fun at the connections involved, while simultaneously offering the reader a genuine and quite-legal explanation of the genre connections of the whole Frangles saga and related projects.
Douglas Adams Fans!!: You're still doing it! Why are you characterizing Douglas Adams as the most plain and dull person in this entire ordeal! Douglas Adams would never approve of being portrayed as supporting your trash saga without his consent. If you'd have at least--
Squish: Irony! Irony, you idiots! It's ironic that he's the most plain and logical one here! Don't you get this!? This entire thing is a parody! Everything! Every word! It's humor! It's--
More-real-life Douglas Adams Fans!!: Oh, come on. If anyone would generally appreciate this humor style at all, it's probably us, so it's insulting to actually ingrain a dumbed-down explanation into this writing itself. Maybe some of us don't find it as funny as others, but we generally recognize the literary value of--
Announcer (still the same one)!! (now less resembling Eddie from HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY)!!: Ok, for real, we have to wrap all this up--
Chip: Thank God!!!!
Announcer (still the same one)!! (etcetcetc)!!: --and head to the top of the next page. We're too far down for any of this contrived keywording to matter, as anyone who's paid any attention to any of this should know by now.
Chip: Scratch that.
Squish: Does anyone care that we're all still technically in the opening credits?
Keanu Reeves: Not really.
Announcer (still the same one)!! (only very slightly more resembling Eddie than her last dialogue line)!!: Let's go, guys!
Squish: Whowwahowa--what do you mean "her"?
Chip: Haven't you noticed there hasn't been a single female character save Elisha Cuthbert's one-lined camio on the first page?
Squish: Oh wow.
Chip: We got contacted by a semi-real Women's rights group a few lines ago who complained, so I figured we could say the announcer was a chick. I thought it also added some literary shock value, at least for sexist male chauvinist readers, as most of them probably didn't even realize they were until this moment.
Elisha Cuthbert: Brilliant.
The Demented Cartoon Movie: Zeeky Boogy Doog.
Chip: Squish, your praise would mean a lot more if you weren't the one friting this entire skit, and are hence just praising your own writing. And--wait, when the hell did we obtain licensing to be able to mention THE DEMENTED CARTOON MOVIE?
Adult Swim: We took care of it for you. Now get off this prose $#!@! and go watch CARTOON NETWORK.
Announcer (still the same one)!! (definitely a chick now)!!: Come on, boys! Let's head to the top of the next page!
Chip: Don't count on it being there.
Squish: Wait, is the announcer Elisha now? I'm confused.
Chip: Dude, you ruined it. "Don't count on it being there" would have been a perfect killer line for the end of the page. In fact it was the last line before someone added this extra $#!% down here.
Cereal killer!!: A "perfect killer line"? Like "Hey sugah, nice shoes, let's get it on until I get up the urge to drown you in milk and eat you to death."
Passing banner ad!!: Got Milk?
Passing grades in high school!!: Got cereal? It helps you think.
Passing students in college!!: [an ideal activity for any college professor of abnormal psychology noticing multiple death notes scribbled in franglish on the corner of the class chalkboard that weren't there when the class period started]
Cereal killer: Oh, sorry, that was just me.
Google: No need to apologize down here.
Chip: You can do anything you want right now and no one will ever know.
Bill Gates: Just make it quick before someone clicks "Next" or hits one of the two Windows keys on their keyboards.
You: My soul hurts.