| Chap 3.3, Brick 4 (# loosely assigned)||frangles 13/: Writer's Bricks |
" 'The Delbrient shot into Nucleus Nebula with the
climactic significance of an epitomy sample page at the start of a
highly anticipated hardcover siff novel. Captain Keffrick motioned for
total quiet, silencing the last lingering whispers opposing the bridge
crew's increasing amnesia of that the vacuum of space disallows the
travel of sound and well prevented their voices from keying potential
hostile vessles in to the presence of their cloaked ship.
The viewscreen flickered over with the most generic beep
possible from its starfield screen saver -esque display, to a lovely
pituresque shot of the vivid multi-hued heart of the gasseous and
deadly nebula. Its plethora of sporadic asteroids and
breathtaking hues of poisonous fogs was nearly calendar-worthy, its
beauty sadly lost on the stressed bridge crew to say the least, who on
a dull day might have been the first to appreciate it. With just
a scant spec of contrivance from a tolerable photographer, the entire
scene as a whole could have served as a classic and cliche-aspiring
cast photo if the crew happened to be actors on a fake set with an
employeed beatnik blue screen artist.' "
"Skip, for the love of the seventh circle of freelance friter hell,
shut your humanoid trap for once in your mortal life and narrate your
mockeries in your own head."
"Sorry. I thought I was."
"...The crew is already in self-argeement that mutiny might be a
tolerable price for throwing you out an air lock--"
"Pfha, so cliche..."
"--and if you piss off the Captain one more time, there won't be much I
can do for you short of self-detonating in the Delbrient's main power
core to save you the agony of sufficating in a vacuum."
"Sacrificing his life and friends to up the ratings of a killer Keffrick Trek episode is too noble and
dramatic a suicide for a floating scrap metal kinotoclodroid news camera bot orb."
"You contrived that overmodified insult just to describe me to your imaginary readers."
" 'The Delbrient's Adventures in Nucleus Nebula' is a highly anticipated--"
"Stop calling Nelvron-9 'Nucleus Nebula'."
"--pivotal Keffrick Trek episode. People could be popping into the episode every
word we speak. The visually impaired Keffrick Trek fans deserve a
creative narration to inform them what's happening."
"Tossing out 5 allusions to copyrighted Earth siff works and
an increasingly shameful plug for having titled your stay on
the Delbrient with the captan's name followed by the word 'Trek',
hasn't a spacedust spec of creativeness."
"I tried for 6, and I altered them exactly enough for them to fit
under Keffrick Trek right of parody with a good lawyer. I'll bet
you $14 that 'kino-' and 'toclo-' went right over the heads of 85% of
the SGU and Dr. Who fans tuning in. And 'news camera' is
completely generic. Unless someone told them, nobody could
possibly know for sure that I was directly ripping off Babyl--"
"If you really have to contrive description, at the bare minimum, come up with something original."
" 'Scrap metal' was original."
"And all that did was piss off every vaguely ball-shaped A.I.
in existence, maybe even the humanoid ones unlucky enough to be cursed
with narcissistic creators. Gods help you if we hit one of your
wormhole ideas and it drops out a real-life bot orb you pissed
"Kinotoclodroids don't watch Keffrick Trek."
"Stop! Saying! 'Keffrick'! 'Trek'!"
Nucleus Nebula epis--without warning, Skip was interrupted by sudden
important blood-red lights that flashed at the crew without mercy,
summoning a blaring alarm that obliterated the externally observable
poetry of the scene like a point-blank torpedo hit to the general
ineffable wonder of deep space exploration. Ironically -- perhaps
appropriately -- the metaphor of a torpedo hit spoken by the
inhumanly calm dictator of the scene served as a surreally accurate
foreshadowing, as just seconds later, the bridge crashed with the hit
of an actual attacking vessel, exploding the scene into a supernova of
frantic chaos. Equipment floundered and fell; indecipherable
yells and commands flew to and fro; additional alarms lept into the now
dead-horse slaughter of the preceding silence already long gone; crew
members fell injured with emotive intensity worthy of critic acclaim.
" 'The tragic and paradoxical irony of it all was that anyone tuning in
to and at this exact moment via a tip that it would be quite a good one
wouldn't have a pinch of a clue what was going on, who these people
were, what this strange 4th-wall frwoa narration medium static hovering
about was all about, why the narrator bothered with the overly-
modified phrase "strange 4th-wall frwoa narration medium static" now
twice uttered when one or two modifers would have sufficed, or whether there was any reason to care if the battle,
narration, episode, or grammar nitpicking, ended badly for the Delbrient crew and their fans. A
tragedy close behind was the that the crew performed so galantly and
protagonist -eque that it seemed unlikely any god would kill
off any more than one or two important people in the room, sacrificing a significant amount of suspense in favor of the
usual monotonous outer space threat of a weak and generally predictable
" 'In particular, Captain Keffrick stood tall as cooled steel,
near-indestructable, falling short of totally unbreakable only via the
subtle hint of readiness in his eyes to snatch up any arising
opportunity to off himself for the sake of the crew. It might
have been a mighty moral creed indeed, worthy of his character's
impressive grip on the harsh profession of main protagonist, if not for
the tissue-thin mere lottery chance of the crew and hovering script
writers -- the latter being a class of people unanimously familiar with
the delicacy of writers' prime deus ex machina directives -- allowing him such a
fate (an unlikelyhood he was surely aware of to one extent or
another, otherwise it might have been an enviable virtue.)
" 'Through it all, only our noble narrator was generally devoid of
fear. He might have narrated the truth of his total and full
fearlessness, if not for the irony that the truth of the extent of his
composure's stamina would sound like a narcissistic fabrication.
To everyone else on the Delbrient bridge, Nucleus Nebula instilled--' "
"Stop... saying... 'Nucleus'... 'Nebula'!"
" '...yelled a badly wounded crew member over the alarms and yells and
cries and falling stage equipment, who'd suffered a concussion bad
enough to consider wasting his breath at such a time, knowing full
well he was unlikely to be appeased. Apparently the concussion
was contagious, because someone further away yelled something else at
Skip. Even being a notable phoneticist, Skip couldn't make it all
out over the noise, but he did manage to catch the phrases "what the"
and "wrong with you" sandwiching a string of indecipherable curses
impressively lengthly given the urgency of the the Kvarthian attack.
" 'Soon, unexpected to all sentient beings involved in anything to do
with the scene (just about everyone in the known universe, given enough
milking of the principle of X degrees of separation applied on the
scope of the known multiverse), there was an asteroidomical boom of
light and thunder
undescribable but for that it could be labeled as such, and but for
that it was
much too impressive a phenomenon to have come from even an entire
armada of Kvarthian vessles. No one had time to theorize about
the surprising scene twist, because just seconds later, the Delbrient
and everyone on it were no more.
" 'Only the lingering foreshadowing- turned- reality of the noble
narrator -- the true protagonist -- who had predicted the Delbrient's
destruction just before it happened and had narrated the event before
the fact rather than after, kept the Delbrient's debris company in the
cold vaccum of frwoaspace and the omniscentient Keffrick Trek fans' pain at
seeing the physically impossible letters there hovering; letters in the form of the phrase:
TO BE CONTINUED
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