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Chap 1.1 - Page 6frangles: Skip book 1: Writer's Bricks

DAC Vifa Temporary Mental Instability Form #1311x6 - SECTION A

            Please read the following vague idea for a form carefully before answering any question.  Then answer every question, in order.  If you are dyslexic, answer every question backwards.  If you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you may fill out or re-start the form as many times as you wish, and/or burst into the back office and demand an immediate emergency hearing up to the number times you filled out or re-started this form.  If you have Attention Deficit Disorder, answer every other question beginning with the first, then return to the beginning and answer the remaining questions starting with the second.  If you are currently undergoing therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, please ask the front secretary for a beer and then continue.  If you have ADD and PTSD, you may obtain a small shot of vodka, liquid paxil, or 5mg ritalin tablet as needed--and/or watch any of the educational videos in the viewing room on ADD, PTSD, alcohol and drug addiction, or the mating rituals of the stressed half-existent pointy-livered fluton-amoeba and hey what's that out the window?--until you finally sit your ass down and finish the damned form, or until closing, whicher comes first.  If you have any combination of dyslexia, OCD, and/or ADD, you should be all set.  If you are manic, manic-obsessive, depressive, manic-depressive, obsessive-depressive, schizo-affective, elated, sedated, irritated, or have any combination of the above conditions or one not listed, please ask the secretary for further instructions, but keep your distance.

            If you need help filling out this form, please ring the bell to page Helpy the Friendly Fluton who will aid you in whatever way you need.  If you're not sure whether you need help, Helpy the Friendly Fluton will be helpy to scan your brain and estimate your IQ, legibility, literacy, and mental competence.  If Helpy informs you that you're able to fill out this form without help and you disagree with this analysis, you may fill out the Competence To Complete the Temporary Mental Instability Form Override Form.  If you need help filling out the Competence To Complete the Temporary Mental Instability Form Override Form, or are not sure if you need help, Helpy will be glad to give you a second opinion on your level of competency.  If your appeal is denied and you are asked again to fill out the Temporary Mental Instability Form and stop bitching about it, and you still disagree, you may fill out the Request For An Indefinite Form Appeal Extension Form, which if accepted will grant you a general right to file a canon of red tape paperwork to the point that you will be diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Red Tape Temporary Mental Instability Form Stress Disorder, and your original Temporary Mental Instability Form will be automatically accepted.

            Please note that for any competency appeal form to be accepted, you must accept Helpy's help for every form you file beginning with the Competence To Complete the Temporary Mental Instability Form Override Form, otherwise you will be subject to charges of fraud on the basis that you were competent enough to fill out the Temporary Mental Instability Form Override Form but somehow incompetent to fill out the much shorter original Temporary Mental Instability Form.  If this occurs and you cannot afford a lawyer, you will be appointed one by the Developing Arts Council, who will argue that your temporary mental instability somehow only affects your ability to fill out Temporary Mental Instability forms but not any of our Competency Override forms, at which point you and your appointed lawyer will be deemed mentally ridiculous, and you will both be admitted to the Permanent Red Tape Obsessive Distractive Fraudulant Insanity Psychiatric Stress Ward for the duration of your mortal life.
            If you believe this form to this point is itself evidence of the DAC's obsessiveness with red tape or !@#$ed up clients, you try dealing with someone who's won an Office Paperwork Clarification Policy Incompetency lawsuit and see how obsessive you get.

            Please print clearly.  Please answer every question.  You may skip this form entirely if your name is Kyle, Koby, Tiz, Jebb, Piq, Kolphin, Skip, Sid, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy, Cranky, Dirty, Dizzy, Dan, or you are the acting commander of a vessle facing a temporal amnesia anomaly and your entire crew has forgotten how to operate your vessle, or are any other main character whose frwoa friter has hit massive writer's block and contrived their plot arc to deliver you here for lack of anything better to do with your story, as it will  be automatically rejected until your friter finds a self-insertion frwoa anomaly, writes him or herself into their own story, and fills out their own damned DAC Temporary Mental Instability Form.
            When you are finished with the form--or lack thereof if your situation falls under one or more of the above conditions--please hand it to the secretary at the front desk, unless your temporary condition has significantly improved by the time you get to the last question (or the first, if you are dyslexic).  The office will then evaluate your form the moment someone qualified to evaluate it submits an Application for Employment form and is hired by the DAC.  Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

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